My twisted mind
Have I ever mentioned that I don’t want to have kids? Yep. Weird as it may sound, I don’t want to have one. Maybe because at this point in my life, I don’t have a special someone whom I can make plans with of having kids. Maybe because of the absence of a guy in my life makes me capable of saying this. Actually there was one point in my life where I was already willing to have kids. This was during the time when I thought I was crazily in love with this guy. So there I was, presenting myself over to him and I knew I was willing for that guy to father my children. But reality checked on me and everything was over before I knew it. And now, looking back at that time, I’m still not sure if I want to have kids even if I find the perfect guy for me.
Reasons why I don’t want a child? First thing I’d consider is the responsibilities involved. Not only will I be given the task to nurture a child but I consider it a great responsibility of rearing a child . We are no longer talking about material stuff here. If there were times that I don’t take good care of my belongings, then how can I make sure I’d be consistent in taking care of a human being. This time, a human life is already involved and that alone sends the creeps all over my body. Maybe I’m too chicken to take responsibility of someone, my own, but that’s the reality. I don’t want the responsibility. My mind is too twisted and I’m a constant worrier. I don’t think I can also handle it if I lose the person. Questions come to my mind like “What if the child dies?” What then? Call me morbid if you may but the thought of that person dying before my eyes or loosing them all of a sudden makes me want to think not to take the risk of even trying to have one. I don’t think I can bear anticipating and counting the days of how long my child lives. The thought of me constantly being conscious of how long they will live here on earth is unbearable. They say that nothing can compare the joys and pains of motherhood but in my present state right now, all I can say is “Thanks but no thanks. I’ll pass.”
Second, being a constant worrier, probably the worst part is when you carry the baby. Nobody wants to have a baby with deformities, defects or mental problems. I couldn’t bear taking this risk and I don’t want to keep on worrying if the baby will be healthy or not. And because of too much negativity, I might cause the baby to be born with deformities instead.
Third, since I’m struggling to loose some weight now, it would even be harder for me to loose weight after pregnancy. I know that this one’s kinda shallow and selfish. But that’s what I think.
Rearing a child would actually benefit parents in the long run as they can take care of them when they get old. I’ve already thought of that. If my immediate family won’t be there to take care of me when I need one, especially when I grow old, then by that time, I guess I’d just kill myself to stop causing misery and inconvenience to people. So you see how twisted my mind is?
I still don’t want to put a dot to the whole issue of having a baby. Maybe, who knows when, maybe when I fall in love again then I may consider the thought of bearing a child if the guy wants to have one. Not until that time comes, nothing would make me change my perception of bearing a child.
If I sum up all of these reasons, I’d pretty much say that I’m scared. Aren’t we all? Mine is just finding the explanation behind everything. Maybe everything changes when matters that involve taking responsibility of a human person.
Related posts:
