Lazy being
I’m such a lazy being. And I’m hating myself more for my actions.
I filed for a 1-week leave from work and all I do is bum around the house doing nothing. Instead of finding ways to be productive and find ways to earn money online to pay off my debts, I am not doing anything at all. I find the most ridiculous excuses to avoid all of what I’m supposed to do.
Yeah, I get it. I’m now experiencing how it feels like to be a bum. But I know too well that I have a lot of responsibilities and I can’t afford messing it all up. I just hate the state where I’m in right now.
Sometimes I even blame my circumstance for my surroundings. Do you watch True Blood? I do. It’s also weird coz some people find it weird. I kinda like it though. Anyway, in that story, Tara Mae’s mom claims she’s possessed by a demon that’s why she can’t fulfill her responsibilities to her daughter. Instead, she keeps on drinking alcohol since she believes that’s what the demon tells her to do.
I’m not saying that I’m possessed too. But I really feel that something or someone is trying to stop me from doing the things I need to do. You see, my parents are superstitious. Especially my mom. She claims that dwarfs or supernaturals resides in certain areas of our house. One of these area happens to be my room. My friend also confirmed once that she saw small people inside my room. I’m not really creeped out on the whole idea since I have lived all my life with superstitious talks. Although I haven’t seen one, I don’t mind sharing the same room with those beings. So if I want to go lame, I’d say those beings are the reason why I’m lazy. Yeah. Hard to believe right? Me too. But maybe I’m again looking for excuses. Who knows. At times I can’t fight the temptations from my mind. I think that something or someone is tempting me to do away from things that I am supposed to do. Have you ever tried dozing off to sleep while praying? I did. I tried to pray once in my room to ask for guidance after all the troubles I have experienced and then I fell asleep. Luckily I was able to snap out of it.
This is one of the reasons why I want to leave our house. Although I’m really not sure that my non-existent room mates have any negative effect on me, I’d still want to be on the safe side. I still want to be free and away from all those forces surrounding the house. I’m still not sure though if these are just pigments of my imagination. There’s really no basis for this. But there’s no harm in trying right? The only problem is that I have no money to pay for rent if ever I move out of the house. So I guess I’m doomed, right?
Well, I wish I could fight this and stop being lazy before my vacation is over.
Related posts:
