Feeling blue
yeah. i am. its like one of those days when i dunno what my purpose in life is. am not too sure how to react with how the year opened for me. i guess i’d say that i’m grateful since i got this big opportunity for a promotion and then i have this other job offer that may help me pay off my debts. but despite that, my mom got sick. i seem so lost right now. it gave me more reason not to retire from my day job since no one else could pay up for my parent’s HMOs. my mom even wants me to work out of the country. but if i do that, who’d take care of her? i don’t want to be stuck living under their shadows too but i have no choice. my sister and my brother can’t be relied upon on situations like this. i get to be the sacrificial lamb and i hate it! why does it have to be me? i even wonder how everything will work the minute i walk out our door and never come back. of course i couldn’t do that. my morality tells me not to. but my head is screaming that i should do it. sometimes, as bad as it may sound, i can’t help think how long they’ll be alive so that i can work on my dreams. i know i am too harsh. but that’s me. i’m a practical person. if i can only live on my own, i would have done it a long time ago. but i can’t. these days, i’m contemplating on this phrase “no man is an island”. do you really think this is true? well of course it could be. but i’d rather live on my own, in my own little island. for i don’t want a chaotic life. i want to be left alone. i want to be independent and be invisible to all. but i may have to wait and keep my patience for it will be a long one. *sigh*
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