depressed
it’s been over a month now and every time i keep coming back this site, i either post sad and pathetic rants about myself. this time i am at my absolute lowest. is there such a term? i am a complete failure. i am totally depressed, not only emotionally, but also physically and financially. i wanted to cry. i am crying. i can’t take this anymore. a friend mentioned to find support groups for my case. but where do i find one? and if i do find one, the question is whether i’m willing to join them. i really don’t know what’s wrong with me. i guess i hit rock bottom this time. i no longer know what to do. i am totally lost. i don’t even want to call out to him because i am not too sure if he will answer my prayers. i’ve been given a lot of opportunities but i let him down. i continuously fail him and fail myself. i guess jumping off a cliff will solve my troubles. i wish i can find the courage to do just that. when will this ever stop. it really hurts so bad yet i still haven’t learned my lesson. maybe by disappearing i’d be able to get my life back. i am uncontrollable. how i wish i can wear a placard signaling everyone to back off and leave me alone. i wish i can just do that. how i wish disappearing from everyone is as easy as clicking my fingers. i kept ranting on how i wish to quit but i don’t have the balls to do so. why can’t they leave me be? why do i need to conform to everyone’s expectations? i have my own life to own too. y can’t you give me my freedom? y can’t i muster all the courage to do what i wanted to do without having to explain to anyone. i hate my life right now. i so hate it!
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